Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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