So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
