I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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