We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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