My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
