i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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