so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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