walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
