i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
