I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
