I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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