Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
