from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
