My friends, they love my intelligence
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
