Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
