Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
