Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
