turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
