Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
