Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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