do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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