she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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