So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
