Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
