just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
