My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
