Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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