Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
