I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
