he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
