if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
