Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
