I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you would pick up someone in the library
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
