Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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