I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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