Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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