nut hugger
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
