You made me cry and you don't even care
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
