I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
