The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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