Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
