I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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