every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
