you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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