Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
