high people should be assigned attendants
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
