left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
