we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My bed smells like the plague
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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