halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
