I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she told me i tasted like america
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
