apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
