His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
