Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
